Forgot to mention that I was the only bisexual in the group.

I dunno.. sounds to me like she was much more concerned and respectful of your identity than most I've encountered. The response I'm always horrified to hear is one of blame ("Why can't you bisexuals just admit that you're actually straight/lesbian/gay?!" "Just choose a side and leave us in peace!"). The response I'm hearing here sounds more like, "Hey, this seems like it's always my experience, but I don't mean to be blaming all bisexuals."

But I wasn't there, so I don't know the nuances of the conversation. That's just how I read it.

um... that's just weird.

i agree that it's sort of nice that she was trying to be respectful of possibly offending you, but it's nice in a sort of backhanded kind of way; like not *really* nice, but like Liberal White Guilt nice... i mean, i really just can't figure out why she would think that you would take offense. so, really, the question is - what was she implying/thinking that she didn't exactly say?

or perhaps it just reinforces that she doesn't really *get* you - perhaps she thought that you would side with the man in this scenario? or she thinks that you *are* a man? i don't know. you don't look much like a man to me...

my first instinct would have been to ask what exactly she thought that i might have taken offense to....

my second instinct would have been to speculate under my breath about what it is she's doing to motivate all these women to go exploring men....

but i can be bitchy like that some times....

OK, i think i got it :

this poor woman is actually (obviously) very insecure about her own gender-hood. she really wants validation that she's a good upstanding lesbian, and that many women would give their eye teeth to be with her (and don't we all want that, really?)

so, as she's telling this story, she lets a little of that out in the "they always leave me for men". in so doing, she realizes that she's making a rather rediculous generalization, as well as revealing her own insecurity about driving women away from Lesbianism; Lesbianism being very important to her since she had to go through the trials and tribulations of coming out, donchaknow.

so anyway, she suddenly realizes that she's in the presence of someone who's actually comfortable enough with who she is to experience joy and pleasure with *either* gender ! *gasp* "i may have upset this Evolved Person with my small minded selfish talk of outrage at having been jilted by yet another in a long string of ex-lovers!!"

so her "no offense" wasn't about bisexuality at all !! it was actually a plea to you - she was imploring you, with her eyes as well, i'm sure - to *not* call her on the carpet for making a silly, judgemental comment implying that the level insult at being dumped was escalated by being dumped for someone of another gender! (kind of like if she had said "and she left me for a black person!", right in front of someone who was married to a black person (as if anyone in their right mind would get married... but that's another story))

anyway, it's a theory. a theory given extra weight by the delicious New Belgium Sunshine beer i've been polishing off. so there. ;-)

for when you're feeling catty / bitchy / fed up:

* maybe you should try investing in a bigger strap-on

* have you considered cross-dressing ?

* why did she have to leave you just to have a man?

* i find that it's generally better to keep a man in the basement, that way, when the desire arises, we can just pull him out

* better that she left you FOR a man than leaving you TO a man! (that one's subtle....)

* <mona lisa smile> ah yes.... a man.....</mona lisa smile> ... what were you saying, dear?

Possible responses:

* Offense? Huh? I'm sorry, I thought we were talking about relationships, not football.

* Thanks, but I'm not a man.

* Why would I be offended by someone breaking up with you?

* Phew! I was worried you were trying to offend me.

* Oh, that's okay. I don't get offended by hearing people tell relationship stories. I have a story to share, too. One time, I was dating this person and we ... [blah blah blah insert benign relationship story yadda yadda yadda]. So, that was it. Oh, no offense, by the way. Okay, who's next?

One more:

* Why would I be offended? Am I the man she left you for?

in my view, the phrase "no offense" is an effing cop out

when it's directed at me i like to say "you know... it's always eaiser to say 'no offense' than it is to just not be offensive in the first place, isn't it?"

-s