This is one of the parts of being bi that I find rather vexing. I go to queer events and feel... well, not quite right. My experience with talking with lesbian women (both in person and in online forums) has shown me that there is a lot of prejudice against bi women. I don't want to have it thrown in my face, it is a pretty unpleasant way to be rejected. Add to that that I am poly and I just feel, well... maybe a bit too complicated to cruise. (I will admit also that being shy doesn't help things any.)

I haven't experienced prejudice from straight men around being bi in a long time - since moving to Cali from the midwest, now that I think about it. Of course, most of the guys I wind up hooking up with have tended to be bi themselves... not sure why that is, except maybe that I like 'em freaky. ;-)

So, what do you think? How visibly bi are you, and how do you handle making it known when that is the thing to do?

I'm not really sure how possible it is to be "visibily bi" in the society we live in. I mean, if you're poly and have a boyfriend *and* a girlfriend, there you go, but otherwise....

There were a few years when I considered myself a lesbian, and I wore pride beads on a necklace I almost never took off. Before then and since, I haven't really done anything that particularly identifies me. I mean, what do I do? There should be bisexual pride stuff, a necklace I could wear that people would know. Or something.

I don't really like queer space, but I'm not sure how much that has to do with being bisexual (though it is true, I really don't feel "queer enough" for a lot of those groups, and once even left a "Gay Straight Alliance" for just that reason). I don't enjoy *any* scene based on sexuality because it feels like a false identifier to me. I don't like bdsm space even though I've been known to enjoy some bdsm and I don't like specifically poly parties either, despite the fact that I do identify as poly and have more than one love to show for it.

It's funny, I think the tack I've taken is to pretty much hide all aspects of my sexuality. It's not like I'm not open about them, but I don't tend to really bring them out in random conversations, either. I have a number of issues there, not really wanting my sexuality to be seen unless I choose to show it.

I came out to my father and his fiance as a lesbian a few years ago. Now, I'm married to a man, and I haven't really said anything about it. I think they may consider me the equivalent of a "lesbian until graduation" or something. That's not something I'm very happy with, but it's also not something I really want to deal with correcting, either. There's a lot of things they don't know about me, and I guess I'm comfortable with that.

That's really just a lot of musings. Women intimidate me, as much as I find them attractive, so it's very rare I get past the acquaintance stage with many of them. I don't really like looking heterosexual going out with my husband wearing wedding rings, but there's not a lot I can do to correct people outside of conversing with them.

I would not consider it invisible. Like Autumn said, you choose to show it when you feel comfortable doing so. I may be bi, but I am married and usually stick with that scenario, sexually. If the right gal comes along, then the more the merrier. Until then, I am happy showing myself as myself and not really being labeled, like what Jovino said.
Thanks for the discussion, M!

A long time ago, it was absolutely necessary to keep things under the carpet for a lot of people. There were codes and other marks to eventually signify some orientations. From that period, I recall that it could be a sort of thrill to know who and what, in the middle of the rest of the society which was with questions eventually but no answers.
The labeling and the categorization came under the light much after that time, I mean as in the open. In the process of identification, it acted as a catalyst, then a divise, and a catalyst again.
It's like at every step, when a category gets a 'recognition' it is a divise and then it falls back into the broader realm which it originated from. Freaks, Queer....
That's my family!

Hey, thanks for all the responses. What a great discussion.

It's funny, I also generally avoid labels, especially since having a friend who transitioned from female to male. I learned a lot from observing that journey, and I started to feel that "bi" was actually too confining (even as I walked in the Pride parade bi contingent - one year, holding hands with a male and a female partner, and I must say I have never felt so "bi" as that time.)

But how it really is with me is, I like who I like. And you (*I*) can never tell who that will be - I have no "type" that I am consistently attracted to. I like people for who they are. The closest I can come to a "type" is that I am generally attracted to people who are intelligent, creative, freaky, and warm. Which covers a lot of ground!

How this tribe got started was from talking with Davor at Pride, and he referred to himself as a Flaming Bisexual (because he looked SO much like a classic gay boy, but wasn't.) I loved the idea, and said he should start a tribe.

I do wish there was a better word to explain that I am not limited by gender in my attractions. Pansexual doesn't do it for me, because that implies "any and everything" and that is definitely not what I've got going on.

Any ideas?